Journal 2022

Still waters

The phrase is ‘still waters run deep’ meaning there’s much going on beyond what you see, hear or experience, but in a literal sense still waters by definition do not run at all. Pondering this and reflecting upon my own character lately I recall that quieter self of 30 years ago. I was never really quiet though for my mind has always been buzzing with ideas, ever busy, ever inquisitive over accumulating snippets of knowledge that others much noisier than myself always seemed to miss. ‘Why’ and ‘How’ were my favourite questions followed by ‘what’ and ‘where’; rarely was I interested in ‘who’ as I was growing up.

Still waters seldom run deep
At best they fester consigned to sleep
Stagnation as lethargy doom ridden creeps
Parched of life where death will seep
Still waters rarely run deep
Turmoil and turbulence race instead
A life giving sustenance like well kneaded bread
Clearing and cleansing a traumatised head
Far better such rapids so all can be fed
Waves and trickles mourn the dead.
Still waters do not run to spurt
Sputter to sprinkle, gurgle but hurt
No current to revive a constant shirt
Shallow it’s song, so lame. Inert 
Still water trades only in grime and dirt
No pollutant in stillness can escape
Lost cries will drown to never awake
No soft caress will still waters make
Still waters are aghast in horror agape
Devoid of hope, unmoved til we shake
To end its faults and our mistake.

I feel I have a interesting, curious mind one because of my mental health condition. From day one I have been bombarded with other people’s output largely uninvited. I was ill prepared for most of it and never wished to know the bizarre practices that some have told me they find pleasure in, including during sex. What on Earth possesses others to share such things with perfect strangers I shall never fathom as there is such danger in doing so.

Recently I’ve noticed how so many of my followers on Twitter have taken to liking or participating in swearing with angry responses to what’s happening in the world. I’m tempted at times myself, but it does resolve things nor does it display my own ability to control myself. What after all is your own response to an aggressor, are you likely to change your views when they’re swearing at you? They are better ways to overcome any and all troubles and injustices that we face. They include finding fair solutions, implementation of things you know work to help others, sharing ideas, forming strong arguments asking difficult questions etc. Violence I always feel should be a last resort in defence of others not a first response. Equally though apathy and inaction does not serve to alter anything for the better. Lethargy is often the first step toward depression.

I’m taking a break from Twitter to give my busy mind more time to reflect not least because I have found it to be over stimulated. Already I’ve found it beneficial as, after decades of not doing so, I have written a couple of poems. What I like about poetry is that you can state in a few words what you wish. The novelist may do it with more detail but I have yet to find the time to complete one of those.

Over time

Death is but a shallow curse
Tumultuous life can be far worse
So brandish your bombs, your swords and guns
Defiant love this way comes

Mock the dead, slander our souls
We’ll not be conquered by your goals
Nor ever tethered to bow to plea
You’ll harm no more my love and me

Torture, pain and anguish come
It matters not, we claim the sun
The seas the wind will battle on
And will do so when you’re gone

And barren sands to fertile soil
Renew again by steady toil
You’d poison hope with witless guile
We care not still, at you we smile

And piteous though our plight may be
How far far pitiable your efforts be
Contort and trick, corrupt and twist
Your shackles weaken at my wrist

You think to starve me but I am fed
By faith in others when I am dead
Distort all truth with layered lies
Watch out below, we own the skies

You cannot win nor endure
We are of Earth, we are the cure.